About Author: Hilton Als

Posts by Hilton Als

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West Indian Style: Two Views

The women captured here are West Indians, something I understood intuitively based on their costuming, posture, and gait. Both photographs were taken this fall in Cambridge, Massachusetts, one in the health food co-op I belong to, and where the woman with the cart was buying bottled water and sorrel, the other as I was walking down Massachusetts Avenue toward Central Square, by far the most interesting part of town. I recall my father saying he had family here, but I don’t know them. Still, I see them.

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Power Structures

Nothing calms the mind–my mind–like drifting. Stepping out the door with no particular place to go and getting lost in the process is, as Walter Benjamin and Robert Walser have pointed out, the action of a man who is interested in discovery but not reward: to be content to drift, one must not have a particular goal in mind, except to remain open in the world of elements. Fall is the very best time to drift on the East Coast: there is weather, but so much of it that it interferes with breathing, and the attention one wants to pay to nothing at all. Generally drifting is best done alone, or, if not alone, then with walkers who understand that silence and exhaling are essential to this utterly calming, “nothing” activity: to speak is to think (or it should be) and to think is to be engaged by one’s interlocutor, which then tips over into what one does for a living: listening and watching others be themselves, or a self they pull out of their heart, and imagination. No, drifting is best done alone, not even with a beloved, because that’s a shared world, and the drifter prefers to share his absent self with a world that will not ask his name, or how he feels. The best city for drifting is San Francisco, because it’s a vertical and horizontal town: your thoughts can float upward, or roll down into the ocean. The best drift in SF is near Twin Peaks where the wind and fog are constant, and so thick, and so troubling, that you find yourself being blown about into a kind of tumbled drift. Once, walking near Twin Peaks, I saw a porn star I admire very much in his convertible; his tiny, fine hair was being smooshed by the wind as he looked at this strange black man in a knitted cap smiling at nothing as his sweatshirt, drenched with perspiration and happiness, went nowhere. Perhaps that was stranger than anything he’d ever seen on the set of a stroke flick, I don’t know; the world is in the eye of the beholder. In any case, the element I like to drift through most is fog. I love it’s impermanence, and its shield. I don’t know where I’m going in it, but I go. And a similar calm affects me when I run into the only thing that causes me to pause when I drift: power plants. They calm me. I can walk around them for hours, and can see–Temple Grandin-like–how they work in a flash. Power plants have a hum I like listening to as well; there’s non-verbal meaning in the steadiness. (The other hum I love is emitted from disco speakers when the bass is particularly thick. The bass lulls me to sleep.) Pausing to take in a plant’s structure, I’m fascinated by the eerie light that illuminates the structure, a light that’s kept low, maybe, so as not to hurt the pipes, valves, metal steps, grates, and warning signs (“Danger. High Voltage”) that do not protect because there are generally no people around to warn, which must account for why I am so attracted to the plant’s architecture, the hum, the stairs leading to shut doors: there is no evidence of anyone near any of it. Or, if there are people in the plant, they are in the rooms beyond, not in plain sight, sporting white coats and gloves, discovering things I do not want to know. Just recently, I was in Cambridge, Massachusetts, walking and walking, when I came across a plant that’s attached to M.I.T. It was hidden in plain sight, behind a glass wall. But I could feel the hum before I saw it. And the hum that almost fall evening reminded me of a beat I’ve missed for a long while now: the disco bass that used to rock me to sleep as my friends danced on in this or that club, drifting through time and relationships and meaning like none of it was ever going to end up being a big deal at all.

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Found Man

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Dirt

The Russian Baths, on East 10th Street here in Manhattan, hasn’t lost much of its beautiful funkiness, despite it’s new marble front, and slightly better laundered towels. Get there early enough, and the men’s locker room is actually clean, but I don’t think a spa-like atmosphere of tidiness and comfort is the point of the Russian Baths; the point or a significant point is its grittiness, and it’s improvised atmosphere of now a massage, now a beet salad (the food and juice bar to the left as you enter is delicious, and offers rough hewn specialties, such as herring and chopped liver). And, of course, there’s the basement, with its dry sauna and wet sauna and pool and wet air that smells of eucalyptus and flesh. Once, in the steam, I saw Puerto Rican men drumming while Hasidic Jewish men listened quietly to the beat, dressed in yarmulkes and towels. In short, the baths retains it’s air of lackadaisical health while pulsating with a kind of ache: New Yorkers are different, and difference creates a feeling of isolation, and at the Russian Baths everyone is different together. But there are temporary balms for that ever present, cut off feeling. The baths offer little rooms, and secret corners to be alone in, the better to contemplate mortality, or the too much food, too much liquor the night before problem. Indeed, it was after ingesting too many different kinds of consumables recently that sent me cabbing over to E. 10th Street. I hadn’t been to the baths in a long while. And after showering and toweling and robing, I was very pleased to see the things I’d always loved about the place, including Russian men sporting towels-as-turbans walking around the basement, offering a platka (massage/beating with oak leaves soaked in a frothy bath) but I rarely want a platka; what I like best is looking and not looking in their round or slanted, young-old Russian eyes–what have they seen in Moscow, in Siberia?–as they flirt with men and women alike, peddling their expertise, which is their body–and yours. An atmosphere of bodies: I I first saw the baths in Deborah Turberville’s iconic 1975 Vogue fashion spread. She got the place right in that the attitudes her models struck–they stretch and preen and are emotionally tough, or closed off; they’re not engaged in anything but their own self-consciousness–mirrored life as it was lived in a dirtier New York. Turbeville’s girls will never get clean. Their souls have been sullied.  Ten years or so later, Nan Goldin shot a lingerie story for the late, lamented “V” Magazine (a fashion supplement that came out once a month or so in the Village Voice, and was edited by the brilliant Mary Peacock, who had put the legendary “Rags” together in the nineteen-seventies) in the same locale, but already the world was changing. While Goldin was trying to contrast the fineness of the lingerie with the fucked surroundings, it was the introduction of such luxury items into a downtown fashion story that should have told us something about where fashion was going, and thus New York. Goldin’s models are dead in their contrived, disaffected moment of being. Only one model in that story undercuts Goldin’s literalness: a beautifully pregnant Rebecca, whom all boys, gay and straight, cruised as she ambled along in the East Village, pre-during-and post pregnancy. One marveled at her beautiful features–the large nose, the mouth that didn’t break out into a please love me smile–because Rebecca was New York, which is to say herself. And it’s important, still, to find the freaks; they let you know how different life is, and should be. During my trip to the baths, I met a middle-aged Russian man who sat outside the various saunas, near the pool. He looked sad, mournful. He’d had an operation he said, and showed me the scar on his belly. He had to lose weight. Then, shyly, like a con man who was used to hiding something but who had to reveal a little of himself a little in order to get what he needed, the Russian man with the scar and sad eyes asked me to scrub his head with his brush as hard as possible. The bristles were bent from frequent use. I took the brush. I felt as though I’d been dropped down the dark well of someone’s need, a need I did not share. But I brushed his shaved head just the same, because it was his heart’s desire. Harder, please, harder, and harder. But I could only go so far. I was a disappointment, as all desire is: it’s never satisfied. And as I was leaving the basement, and the bodies, and the sometimes articulated want one can find there, I saw the same Russian man asking a slightly bewildered but ultimately accommodating young man to pull his fingers as hard as possible. No one looked on with any great interest. This was New York.

 

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Tilda

These notes were written on the occasion of Tilda Swinton being awarded a medal in honor of her work at the 38th annual Telluride Film Festival.

I first met Tilda in a world that no longer exists. That constellation was called the Bowery Bar, and its primary astronaut was a man named Erich Conrad. In that pre-9/11 atmosphere—it was the June, July or August before that momentous event; love stuck to the Bowery Bar booths that summer like bare knees—New York thought everything was possible, and so did Erich Conrad. At Beige, the party he’d hosted at the Bowery since 1994, Conrad facilitated the crowd’s shy and big energy by opening the space to the superficially divergent worlds of fashion, film, and journalism, and then standing back to watch what happened. Inevitably those various disciplines, and the artists behind them, found one another in the glow of Beige’s continual disco beat, but only if you listened.

The throwaway theme on most of those Tuesday nights was that one was not alone in this world, certainly insofar as one’s aesthetics were concerned. Liquor might help you find the rest. Tilda doesn’t drink, but I do, and it was a combination of liquor and nerve—or nerve made plucky by its pickling—that I said to her, approaching her booth, “Tilda Swinton! We’ve been looking for you!” (The “we” I was referring to included a close friend of mine; at the time we were making a series of documentary portraits of performers we admired. Tilda was on that list.) Fortunately for me, Tilda was sitting next to her close friend Jerry Stafford; he knew my work, which made me, perhaps, at second glance, a more socially acceptable lunatic. “You’re the man who wrote about X,” Jerry said, naming a fashion editor we were both close to, and Tilda beamed, and said, “Somebody invite Hilton to my screening,” and I sat down, and the conversation, thus begun, continued and continued for days and months and years, all the way into the now and beyond, in the cosmos of our shared imagination.

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Working Girls: Cate Blanchett in “Uncle Vanya,” The Kennedy Center. August 6, 2011

She was an excellent Yelena because her ambition and unvanquished aura of health have found a match playing a woman who cannot die but is aggrieved to live. One worried for her as Hedda Gabler and again as Blanche DuBois in “Streetcar Named Desire” (all Sydney Theatre Company productions, where Blanchett is co-director with her husband, playwright Andrew Upton) because she struggled so to fit her neat large bones in characters bodies that repelled Blanchett’s hard work, and optimism. Yelena is dissatisfied, but she has an intellegence that works outside herself, which neither Hedda nor Blanche can do. When Blanchett made her curtain call, I was touched to notice that as she ran offstage, and then returned, her body had found its proper stage